In the pits of depression

As they approach steadfastly, I back away in a medium of awkward fear.
Its an impulse,a reaction. Like when one gets pricked by a needle and yells.
Its ironic how i'm doing psychology and social work.
They seized to increase my acknowledgement of the uneasiness and fear in me.
Dying young now as cowardly as it seems approaches like an appetizing meal.
My heart aches with each beat.
Laughter turns to tears.
Movements become stagnant.
I need a true friend.
Superficiality doesnt count. It never has.
When will I regain myself?

Seriously, the bidding thing is a manifestation of evil.
Firstly, the reality of having to bid travels through ur body with a wave of uneasiness, slowly making its way to your brain, seizing hold of it and sending signals that serve to grasp ur blood vessels.

I hate the feeling of having to rely on people. The reason why I'm actually hoping to have at least someone i know in every module I take reeks of disgust in perfect correlation to my sense of culminating fear. FEAR, yea seriously wtf (pardon my language there). I just cant help feeling that way and it simply reinforces the fact of how dependent I can be on people sometimes.

I need to calm down. The whole process of surviving lies in the key to independency and a little more self-confidence. Its simply BID, PRAY (guilty charge)that i get the modules I want, PRAY that i get the tutorials I want, GO for the lectures and tutorials consistently, GO for the exams, PRAY that my cap goes to a high of 3.9 at least which means at least A's for everything. And Baam, end of Sem 2. (may 2006)Good luck to me, myself and I.

I need to get the Ralph Lauren sweater, hopefully its still in stock. And I seriously need to read the news although its always nuggets of information pertaining to conflicts or silly things that people do. I'm like a lagging moron in that "sector". So CNN here I come.

By the way, Christmas was fun although there was a slight moment of tension resulting from the rudeness of a 6 year old kid. My younger sister and cousin needs to deal a little with their neo-anger management behaviours.It embarasses me when rude slurs are used to express their displeasure. OR maybe I'm just simply a weakling. My brother has a happy go lucky attitude, perhaps one of calm disposition. Generally, I am happy and satisfied to be part of my family despite some high standards, "competition" and embarrassing moments endured during the past 19 years. And I'm convinced I'm a bourgeosie. hahaha

To end this post off, here's a quote:
" When you feel you've pushed your life to the limit, and you can't go any further, give that obstacle one last push because that might be the one that gets you through that heavy door to success. If you don't try that one last time, you may never know. Go for it."

Soon, a new year will come. A new beginning for me to start afresh and propel myself towards another route of self-discovery.

argh i thought anyone random (those who do not have an account on here) will be able to view the gallery and leave comments. UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS NOT THE CASE! So to the unfortunate ones, to view the larger version of this pic, right click on it and copy its shortcut and paste it in the browser. If it doesnt work still, let me know.

The first blog post should traditionally be blunt, short and sweet. Just wanna share with you guys something which is a little sad but yet humorous. (ps: my grandmother's actually talking to her sister about the size of a Japanese piece of faeces.) dont ask me why.

Alrite heres the little titbits for the moment:



KIDS' LETTERS FROM
TERRORIST CAMP.
BY BOB WOODWISS
- - - -

Dear Mom and Dad,

Camp Taliban is great so far and it's going to get even better soon. A few of the older guys in camp left a couple hours ago to raid the girls' camp over on the other side of the sand dune and are going to try to see them without their burkas on. The counselors say, if they're successful, when they get back, the rest of us get to burn their eyes out with a red-hot poker.

All glory to Allah,
Zafir

- - - -

Dear Dad,

Yesterday, at automatic-weapon practice, I had more bull's-eyes than anyone else in the whole camp and won the marksmanship medal. Afterward, I was so happy, I kept firing my gun into the air. Then today, a bunch of kids from a whole lot of other camps around here came to our target range for a big competition, but my stupid Kalashnikov jammed and I wound up losing to a boy from Camp Death to America. Afterward, I was so mad, I kept firing my gun into the air.

Your insignificant son,
Fawzi

- - - -


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